


Daydream

by Morethancupcake



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel/Lisa friendship, Infidelity (but not Castiel/Dean), Jealousy, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not as angsty as usual, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-12
Updated: 2015-01-12
Packaged: 2018-03-07 08:03:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3167519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morethancupcake/pseuds/Morethancupcake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Castiel likes to be alone. Here in his house, he feels safe. He dreams about a family, and a future full of laughs and light. He dreams about a house full of kids and noise, and a husband with kind eyes who'll hold his hand at the end of the day. Who cares if he looks like Dean ? Dreams are dreams, and he's not hurting anybody. Except himself."</p><p>Castiel tries his best to avoid Dean, who is living with his girlfriend Lisa, next door. His dreams are innocents, and they aren't hurting anybody, after all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"We've been together since high school" she says, smiling softly to Dean over the coffee table.

"We've had a pretty rough time, but now, with Ben and everything, I can't imagine a better life." she says, watching them play in the garden.

"We are so happy, it's crazy." she says, laughing in the sun, passing him lemonade in a big glass.

Castiel smiles.

Dean is like a puppy, always happy to see him. Inviting him to barbecues and football games, to birthday parties and Christmas dinner. He's always so eager to see him, always so happy to make him laugh. Castiel politely declines in the end, always. Dean's smiles falters, and he shrugs it off with a "I know it's nothing much, but you shouldn't be alone that much. You should come be with us."

Castiel likes to be alone. Here in his house, he feels safe. He dreams about a family, and a future full of laughs and light. He dreams about a house full of kids and noise, and a husband with kind eyes who'll hold his hand at the end of the day. Who cares if he looks like Dean ? Dreams are dreams, and he's not hurting anybody. Except himself. 

The worst part is seeing them out, to the grocery store, fighting about chocolate brands, or at dinner parties, smiling to other couples. His dreams are so vivid, and make him so happy, he feels like his whole world is crumbling down when it vanishes in front of reality.

He orders online, and doesn't like parties, anyway.

He's friend with Lisa. Kind of. He knows she likes him, she sometimes come in the afternoon when he's gardening, and sits next to him with lemonade and cookies. She doesn't talk much about her life, and he's glad. They sit in silence, sometimes chatting about the flowers, or her work. In another life, Castiel believes he could've been a better friend, but he can't, really. Not when his heart shatters when she mention Dean. Sometimes he can see how upset she is, and he takes her to his couch, where she cries and tells him about the other women, and how complicated things are. They drink wine, facing each other, and Castiel holds her until she smiles again. 

She never asks about his personal life, but she had met Balthazar, a few times, catching him barefoot in the kitchen, or still wearing his pjs. 

She believes it's part of the reason he's avoiding Dean, not to make his boyfriend jealous, and Castiel thinks it's a good reason. She helps him ditch the invitations, and he can feel the way Dean is eyeing them suspiciously. Lisa keeps him grounded. He would never, ever do anything, but knowing her helps him stay away. 

"Maybe one day he'll realize you're perfect for him." she says when helping him watering the rosemary. 

"You know, sometimes I wish Dean would just be like that. Coming to be sweet and charming, and leaving with his issues and lies." she says when making him tea when he's too sick to chase her away.

"You deserve to be happy too, Castiel." she says, and has to stop, because suddenly he's crying, and asking her to leave.

She stays away.

She even apologizes.

Dean comes over, one day, when he's cleaning the gutters. He's all awkward and frowning, and after helping him in silence, he forces him to stand in front of him. "Lisa is really sorry." Castiel nods, eyes still on the bushes. The basil is almost glowing, he could always make a salad tonight. "I told her it wasn't any of her business, but you know how she is. She had to snoop." Castiel shakes his head, because he doesn't believe it was malicious. Lisa isn't a bad person. She can't understand. "I know we're not friends like you guys, and you can't really stand me or whatever, but... You know you can come over sometimes to have a beer, when this is too much ?" He laughs a little. "I'm probably not going to bake you cookies, but I can listen, dude."

"I have nothing against you, Dean." He can almost feel the way Dean's eyes are searching his, and he keeps studying the garden, wishing it would stop. He can't breathe, and it has nothing to do with the heat or the strong scent of the mint. 

"Kind of went out of your way to avoid me." Castiel wishes he could explain. Whishes he could look at him in the eyes and say it's not you, it's not you, I'd rather stay alone than face the truth, let me dream, let me dream, I'm not hurting anybody. Except himself. And maybe Dean, a little. "I hope it's not because you thought I wouldn't be cool with you... I mean, your boyfriend. I kind of saw you two once or twice, and I guess... I mean, I know I'm the redneck here, but nothing wrong with being gay, in my book."

"Thank you." The discussion is awkward, and Castiel wants to leave, wants to go away, to lock himself up and lose himself into dreams of summer and green eyes, or having lunch in the garden and kissing slow and sweet. He wants to forget Dean's voice, he wants to forget the way their hands would sometimes touch when cleaning the dried leaves and dirt off the tiles. 

He needs to breathe.


	2. Chapter 2

The summer ends, and soon Castiel is buried under books and papers, researching most of the day, writing most of the night. He doesn't mean to ignore anyone, it's just the way it goes. Gabriel comes from time to time to take care of the bills and the cleaning, leaving him boxes of food he'll leave to rot in the fridge.  
Balthazar comes over and put a blanket on his shoulders, taking off his glasses from his face. He leaves corrections, and forces him to sleep in his bed. They don't do much, except work in silence together and go for walks in the neighborhood. He listens and gives input. He makes things easier, Castiel's thoughts suddenly sharper. Balthazar forces him to eat, and kisses him hard and punishing in front of Dean and Lisa's. In another life, he would've been is everything. Soon he'll go back to his life, full of other men and parties Castiel can't stand. Castiel holds his hand and laughs at his latest work catastrophy. He's almost happy. He doesn't really dream, anymore.

When he leaves, after Thanksgiving, Castiel's life seems dull. He works less, and smiles at Lisa when she jogs passed the house in the morning. After a week, she waves at him on the other side of the french doors. A week later, she's stopping on her way home for a warm cup of coffee. They smile, and talk, and Castiel realizes he missed her. He missed her voice, and the way she treats him like a child. She borrow a sweater, and promises to come back with canelloni and soup. 

Castiel calls Gabriel, and they agree to meet in the city for a drink.

Lisa and Ben are back with steaming dishes that night and somehow, they all end up eating in front of the TV. Castiel and Ben laugh so hard they have tears running down their faces, and Lisa takes a picture of them with her phone. Castiel burns his tongue on the melting cheese and thinks he's having a really great evening.

He calls Balthazar and asks him about Christmas.

Now, Lisa stops after her run every morning for breakfast, and she has a change of clothes in the guest bathroom. They talk about her classes, and her new clients. They talk about Castiel's book, and the endless talk with his editor. They talk about the gossips, and how the new friendship between the gay and the slut are the new hot topic in suburbia. They don't talk about Dean. The Impala isn't there, except on week-ends, when Lisa crashes at his place.

"You never tasted my mom's homemade pizza, Castiel. It's a crime." she says, arms full of bags.

"We're going to do something about that room. You can't invite your boyfriend over and not even pretend to decorate your place." she says, eyes a little red.

"I can't believe he's leaving me." she says, before bursting into tears. Castiel holds her against him, and Balthazar makes her laugh between sobs. He charms her out of her pain, and Castiel realizes while making tea all he can feel is anger. And sadness. 

For Christmas, Balthazar makes his mother roast with mashed potatoes, and Ben tells Castiel he wants to go to college. They all eat in Castiel new dining room, and while Balthazar is teaching the teenager the best way to make scones - believe me boy, you'll thank me one day when you'll put this out for your girlfriend - Lisa hugs him next to the tree. 

When they leave, Balthazar laughs softly. "Seems like Dean Winchester broke a lot of heart." Castiel can't find in himself to be mad. It's been months since the last time he pictured himself like this, washing dishes next to Dean. They end up having cognac in the dark, and Balthazar's kisses taste like happy memories. In the morning, he talks about them moving together.

Lisa cries, and laugh, and hugs him. She complains about having decorated that house for nothing, and moans about that beautiful garden who will be left to die without him. She offers to help him pack, and looks so happy for him he feels guilty for leaving her here. He promises he'll come back during week-ends, and Ben frowns until he swears he will. 

Balthazar texts him about closet space, and Castiel smiles at his phone.


	3. Chapter 3

Life in the city is harder than it was before. He doesn't have his garden to lose himself when things aren't right. Balthazar yells when he's stressed out, and sometimes Castiel sees the way he looks at the students who are colonizing their living room, some nights. He doesn't go back to see Lisa. Ben sends him e-mails, about their new house, and his new friends. He talks about the football coach, and seeing him leaving his mom's room early in the morning. Castiel hides his smile in his cup of coffee, and tries not to stare at the beautiful boy who's drinking up Balthazar's words.

His book is a small success, but he isn't exactly happy with it. He dreams about writing a novel, and telling stories. He dreams about going on holidays, and falling asleep feeling the sun on his skin. He tries not to think about Balthazar's harsh words when he tells him about it. Sometimes, he can feel ghosts of his past dreams coming back to him. The house, and the light, and Dean. He can almost feel fingers holding his, telling him things are going to be okay. 

He writes early in the morning, another book he'll put next to the others. Something serious, something meaningful. Something worthy of people's time. Balthazar takes him to dinners, and parties. They don't walk, they rarely eat together. His boyfriend sometimes smells like someone else's perfume. He dreams of Dean's soft smile, and morning breakfast in silence. He dreams of coffee kisses, and the happy sounds of a sleeping baby. 

Michael is intense. He wants Castiel, that much is obvious, and Castiel doesn't really know what to do with that information. He doesn't even know why he's spending time with him. It has to do with Balthazar's confession about his affairs, but not only. Michael's smile is cold, but kind. He listens when Castiel talks about his novel, and tells him he should do it. He watches him with knowing eyes, and stops before kissing him, smirking and leaving him confused in the taxi. He drags him to watch movies with him and to get burgers and beers afterwards. He makes Castiel laugh.

Until he sees Dean.

The Roadhouse is this little bar, almost out of town. Michael jokes about it, but assures him he needs to taste their burgers. There's close to no one, when they enter, just the waitress talking to a tall man working on a computer. Castiel feels oddly comfortable here, even with his fancy clothes and Michael looking at him as if he was going to get him right on the table. He likes the beer and the blues-y music playing in the background. He likes the greasy basket of starters Michael orders for them to share, and he likes the way their fingers sometimes brush against each other.

And then he sees him. He knows it's Dean, he doesn't even need to think. It's just an evidence. He's talking to another man, outside, and it's so painfully obvious it's a lover's spat Castiel almost chokes on his food. The way the shorter man is pleading, the way the move close to each other, but angry. The way Dean swats the hand away from him, and run his fingers into his hair.

"Someone you know ?" Michael's eyes are hard and his smile sharp. Castiel knows better than to trust him.

"We were neighbors, months ago. His wife owned the house next to mine." Michael chuckles, and the burgers arrive, offering him a way out. He keeps his eyes on his plate. The food is heavenly, and it's easy to forget what he saw, except he can feel it. The moment the door opens.

Dean sees him, too.

 

He sees Michael again, but something is off. Michael is hiding something, he's sure, but Castiel isn't interested. He's not even fighting with Balthazar anymore, their place is quiet. It's like living with a ghost. 

His house is still waiting for him. It hasn't been a year. He could always salvage most of the garden. Gabriel could visit during summer, and he could put a table under the trees.

Balthazar helps him pack, and they kiss when he leaves. He can't even find in himself to be upset, or mad. It just wasn't meant to be, he supposes. They're actually more gentle and nice to each other, since the break-up. Balthazar comes over with food and clean laudry. He helps him dust the house, and they eat in the garden. 

Lisa's house is now occupied by a big family, and they are very nice and welcoming. The kids seems to love him, and it makes him proud. The younger, Alice, is mesmerized by him, and he finds himself having to deal with a little girl who sneaks out of her house to be with him instead of taking naps. His whole summer is spent writing and learning how braid her hair, learning about princesses and how Tiana is her favorite because she has dark skin too. She reminds him of Anna, and it's been years since he allowed himself to think about his older sister. Alice falls asleep on his back when they all go out to watch the fireworks, and that's when he sees Dean again, sitting in the grass with the tall man from the bar.

In a minute, their eyes meet and Castiel can feel it. It's the beginning of something. And he's terrified. Terrified, because there's nothing he could do to prevent it. 

When he comes back to the house, much later, the Impala is parked in his driveway, and Dean is sitting on the tiles, watching the stars.

"Cute kid." he says with a wink, handing him the bottle of whiskey.

"I wanted to come when I left, to explain things, but I'm not sure your boyfriend would've liked it." he says when they're trying to fight the alcohol with grilled cheese sandwiches and pickles.

"You have no idea how hard it was, to watch you from afar." he says, fingers wrapped around his wrist.

They sleep curled around each other, on Castiel's new bed. In the morning, Dean blushes and says sorry, but grabs his hand and doesn't let go. Dean makes pancakes, and they eat in silence. It should feel surreal, but Castiel feels good. Grounded. 

Dean goes back to the house he's sharing with his brother and his uncle, and Castiel writes. He comes back at night, eyes hopeful, holding take-away bags. He tells Castiel, Cas, about leaving Lisa, and starting fresh again. About admitting to himself he wasn't happy before, and it was okay to be different. About the man at the bar, Aaron. About Castiel. 

Castiel answers. He talks about Balthazar, and how things weren't always a fairy tale. About his new book, and how happy he is here, watching the bees and listening to Alice. About Michael. Dean blushes, and tells him Michael came back, and how wrong the whole thing had felt. He tells him about how jealous he had been, seeing them share a meal, smiling and intimate, and how he had told the lawyer to bite him and leave, brushing away the good time he was offering. He wasn't you, Cas. And that seem to break something in Castiel's chest.

"You have no idea how difficult it was to tell you no, everytime." he says to Dean's fingers on his hand.

"You don't know how hard it was, hearing her talking about you, and knowing I had no hope." he says, eyes full of tears he can't show the other man.

"I couldn't. I couldn't." He says, and Dean is kissing him.

He used to think a kiss was just a kiss. Behind the feelings, and the person, it was just mechanical, and pleasurable. Dean's kisses are an act of love. Sacred. He is reduced to tears, and feels, and he chokes with the strenght of it. Dean pushes him to his room, and whispers against his skin.

"I think I loved you from the first time I saw you." he says when getting rid of their shirts.

"I tried to forget you, to forget your eyes, but all I could think about was him, here with you." he says when making Castiel forget about anything that wasn't his lips.

"I used to hate Lisa for the way you used to smile at her." he says in the dark, Castiel falling asleep on his shoulder.

Dean eats breakfast with him in silence, and kisses the butter from his lips. He moans about having to leave him for work, and waves at the kids on their way to school. They work on the garden, and Dean brings all his stuff into the guest room. They fight over shelves and drawers, and Castiel slams his door. Dean pouts when Balthazar calls, and he starts a fight about laundry detergent. Castiel kisses his shoulder blades softly, when they're finally breathing normally again, Dean spread on the kitchen floor under him. 

Lisa is silent for a moment, but she doesn't sound upset. Ben asks if he can visit. They talk about summer camp, and week-ends to the lake. 

They don't really socialize much. Dean takes Cas to the Roadhouse, where he meets Sam, Bobby, Ellen and Jo. Castiel brings Gabriel. They drink beer and share a basket of Ellen fried mix. Dean kisses him hard and dirty, erasing all memories from his mind. Castiel bites at his lips. They're too busy to notice the way Sam watches Gabriel. Bobby asks them about the house, and the future. He's a little red in the face, but Castiel likes him, for a reason he can't really explain. Maybe because he knows about Dean's childhood, and he's glad Dean had someone to wipe his tears and put band-aid on his knees. Dean who's smiling next to him, making fun of the way his brother is blushing at something Gabriel is whispering.

"We'll get married, someday." Dean says, munching happily on an onion ring.

"We need to put a room for Ben, then maybe one for a rugrat." he says, winking at Cas when Jo chokes on her glass.

"We should have this more often. Family time." he says, searching the taste of salt and beer on Castiel's lips.

Castiel smiles.

**Author's Note:**

> Find it on tumblr : http://iwanttopizzamanyou.tumblr.com/post/107915514689/daydream-1
> 
> If you feel like it, please reblog and share ? :) 
> 
> Reblogs, kudos and comments are hugs to the soul, seriously.


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